Whagwan Bruv
Reading time: 4 - 6 minutes
By Hassan Saroya
Ahhh yes, “Whagwan”, “Was gwaning”, “What you sayin bruv” and the various other greetings considered acceptable by the ever fashionable crop of urban youth are as popular as ever these days. In a time where hip-hop is all the rage, and where you can’t walk down a street without hearing news of Fiddy’s latest “beef”, holding on to Islamic speaking mannerisms can seem a bit of a chore.
Not only does slang sound awful, it really doesn’t make any sense – at all. Using “What u sayin bruv” AS A GREETING is just wrong - on so many levels and “Whagwan”, “big tings gawan” etc is just bare stupid innit.
Thank god then, for me and thank god for City ISoc’s newsletter. Here are some clandestine alternatives to slang. Solid stuff as prescribed by the prophet saw.
“Whagwan” means what exactly? I wasn’t sure of its etymology (ooh, how posh does that word sound?) – so I consulted an online urban dictionary:
n. a greeting What’s going on? (in a quick fashion)
How nice - a jumbled eaten up phrase masquerading as a legitimate greeting. May I suggest an alternative? – “Asalam-ulaikum”. Yes, our very own greeting – with a beautiful meaning to boot: “Peace be unto you.” Wouldn’t you rather have somebody greeting you with messages of peace than with messages of barely audible pseudo phrases? I know I would.
So what else? Instead of “safe bruv” try “Jazakullah Kherun”. Why you ask? Because whereas “safe” literally means “free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk” (something which, last time I checked, can’t surely be used as a synonym for “Thank you”) saying “Jazakullah Kherun” invokes a du’a for the person you are saying thank you to – it means “May Allah reward you”. How fantastic is that? When somebody does something nice enough to warrant thanks, would it not be better to make a quick du’a?
“Wow Hassan, you got a job as President of the world? – that’s heavy”.
As “heavy” as it may sound, my new role of worlds first and besssssst ever president of the world should be complimented not with a word that started its days as one used to describe something of a great weight, but a more wholesome alternative. A “Mashaalah” – meaning – “According to Allahs will” would fit nicely.
“You got the job as president of the world? - Mashaalah”
gives an Islamic seal of approval to this most wonderful of news.
When I applied for the role of “President of the World”, I got it without the need for an interview. Not because my immense leadership qualities and rugged good looks made me an ideal candidate for the job, but because I said “Inshaalah” beforehand. Take heed, say
“Inshaalah” (If Allah wills), and you too, could be president.
A quick story: When the disbelievers asked the prophet (saw) a question about Islam, the prophet (saw) replied: “I will tell you tomorrow about what you have asked me.” But he (saw) did not say, ‘If Allah Wills.‘
Allah Messenger (saw) never spoke anything except with revelation. So, he waited for the revelation from Allah but fifteen days passed away without any revelation concerning those matter which the disbelievers asked, neither did Jibreel (as) come to him. The people of Makkah started to doubt him and said: ‘Muhammad (saw) promised to tell us the next day and now fifteen days have gone by and he has not told us anything in response to the questions we asked.’
Then Jibreel (as) came with the revelation of Soorah al-Kahf, which contained answers to the questions and also the above mentioned verse explaining the correct etiquette when determining to do something in the future.
“AND NEVER SAY OF ANYTHING, ‘I SHALL DO SUCH AND SUCH THING TOMORROW. EXCEPT (WITH THE SAYING): ‘IF ALLAH WILLS!’ AND REMEMBER YOUR LORD WHEN YOU FORGET…” [SOORAH AL-KAHF (18): 23].
And there’s a whole host of other bona fide Islamic equivalents to everyday phrases: “Alhamdullillah” for when you sneeze, “Astaghfurrallah” for when you want to repent, “Bismillah” before you start something etc.
Leave the slang at the door – embrace Islamic speaking etiquettes.
Disclaimer – I’m not really president of the world. I’m vice president.
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